Mile 747.0: Leaving Sedona. Already lost.
Mile 758.9: Hi, we almost died.
Mile 770.6: Construction and traffic. On a Sunday. In two thousand degree heat. BULL. SHIT.
Mile 815.4: Donna's ears pop. All over Jeff.
Mile 856.6: Getting off Freeway for Lunch break at Cracker Barrel. Ofcourseweare. Pitstop at Best Buy to check for Wii. No such luck.
Mile 858.3: Bell road. Jeff shouts, "Don't ring that bell!"
Mile 884.0: Donna and Jeff see a GIANT BABY in a field. Jeff nearly has a poopenanny in his pants at the very sight of it. He is too stunned to even take a photo of it, and nearly bursts into tears.
Mile 933.7: Hating the 8 all over again.
Mile 934.1: Only 290 more miles till San Diego! And then another 110 miles that Jeff has to drive to LA so he can work in the morning. Suicide is looking better and better. . .
Mile 998.0: Debbie sends cryptic text: "Bring me the cat's ass."
Mile 1000.0: We're in the middle of nowhere!
Mile 1030: Stop at A&W Root Beer stand and Dairy Queen, because Jeff and Donna need to be fat.
Mile 1051: Back in California! And we're still never getting home.
Mile 1088: The setting sun burns our retinas. Donna hatches some sort of scheme to block out the sun. Jeff is unsure of what this scheme is, and it goes unnoted.
Mile 1122.9: We're at sea level.
Mile 1176.7: We're at pee level!
Mile 1177.3: Now we're at E level! Hi, the little gas indicator has come on! Donna calls it "cute."
Mile 1179.1: The exit we got off on has no gas, despite the blue sign saying there was. Jeff and Donna nearly get raped and turn around.
Mile 1183.9: It's dark and we might be fucked as we can't find a gas station anywhere along the Hate Freeway.
Mile 1188.9: Five Miles till next exit. We hope it has gas.
Mile 1193.5: Exit at an Indian Casino! Hi, they're sure to have gas!
Mile 1195.2: Ohmygod, there isn't a gas station. We drove through the whole freakin town!!!
Mile 1195.9: Nonhelpful cop tells us to turn around and go back the way we came...saying there is gas at the NEXT EXIT DOWN. We head back to the freeway. Beyond e.
Mile 1199.8: Convinced we won't make it....Donna turns the flashers on.
Mile 1200.0: Donna talks about pulling over and having AAA come and get us so we don't ruin her engine by running out of gas. Jeff tells her she's insane. He turns off the radio to make sure nothing extraneous is running.
Mile 1201.0: Against all odds, we make it to the Chevron and fill it up! And empty it out because we were still at Pee level.
Mile 1202.0: 28 Miles to go. Donna: "I wonder if we could have made it." Jeff tries to slap her.
Mile 1205.0: Donna christens her car "The Champ."
Mile 1213.8: Traffic at 9:38PM on a Sunday? REALLY????
Mile 1228.9: Back at Donna's place! It's a billion o'clock.